In a tale of true terror, the first Evil Squirrel attack of the season was recorded on film. WSR Productions' staff photographer just happened to be at the right place at the right time to witness this terrible event.

"It was insane! I mean there he was- just sitting there, when they came out of nowhere and sucked out his blood and eternal soul."

Fortunately for us, our intrepid photographer survived the event due to his quick wits and utter lack of ethics. "I saw them attack the dude and thought about helping, but figured I could make a hell of a lot more cash by taking a quick picture and getting my ass out of there before they noticed me. I mean I'm not stupid or anything, and there's this sweet DVD player I realy want."

An attack this early in the season can only mean one thing... and we wish someone would tell us what it is. As you can see from this photo these evil fuzzy minions attack in packs and quickly subdue their victim. They have been known to spike people's drinks to lower the victim's defenses before pouncing with an unbelievable ferocity, just like Young Republicans.

"I nearly crapped my pants when I saw him writhing in agony, but fortunately I grabbed my camera instead. Do you think I can sell this to Fox? No? F***, I knew I should have brought my video camera instead!"